I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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