dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
