home. puking in laundry basket.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is the high leading the old right now
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
