I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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