it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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