Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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