I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
