I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
