apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
