I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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