wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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