there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
