i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
