FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
