I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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