we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
