The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
