my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
