You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
