one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Randomize