cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I could make wine with my vomit
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
