Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
