Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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