Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
