Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack

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(928): View more from Arizona

We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.

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(903): View more from Texas

I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.

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(785): View more from Kansas

That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.

Fav 12 3331 978
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(708): View more from Illinois

is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?

(1-708): View more from Illinois

head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way

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(443): View more from Maryland

IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF

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(804): View more from Virginia

i think ive been high everyday since ive met you

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