He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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