My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
