were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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