He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so that wasnt chicken after all
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
