I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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