remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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