lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
