she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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