my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize