Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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