I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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