I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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