all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
