Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The adults are the big ones right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
