ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
