Having a random hookup so left but love u
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
