if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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