Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
