He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
