good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
