the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
