He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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