I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
