Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have aggressive nipples.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
