He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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