she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
