I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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