so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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