You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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