when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
