the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
