My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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