Do you still have your period?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
