Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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