READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
