Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
