I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
