Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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