i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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