I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
