Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
