Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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