My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
